How to Create a BDSM Contract?

How to Create a BDSM Contract?

Before starting any new Dom/sub relationship, it's always a good idea to have a BDSM contract in place. It specifies exactly what is expected of each individual. It also maintains things safe and mutually agreeable. Even if you're just getting started with kink, a contract may help communication. It's one of the few aspects of Fifty Shades of Grey spot-on. 

Are real-life BDSM contracts feasible?

Over the years, dominant/submissive contracts have attracted much attention. This is primarily due to author E. L. James's Fifty Shades of Grey series. Many individuals have attempted to profit financially from the trend. Many websites now provide example contracts for purchase.

In that famous fictional erotic novel, a printed-out BDSM contract was a significant focal point. Despite this, they have long been an essential real-world tool for the kink community. It is a written document that demonstrates mutual agreement in power exchange dynamics. They're equally common in real-life situations as other instruments like floggers and riding crops.

Your contract should be a bit official

Almost everyone has seen the contract scene from Fifty Shades of Grey. The characters Anastasia and Christian modify their contract in the film. They also talk about her hard and soft limitations as a possible sub. They tick things off the list and add new ones. It's done at his workplace, at a desk.

While your discussions do not have to be as extensive as those shown in Fifty Shades of Grey, they should be more than a talk. You're just having a typical vanilla chat in bed if you're talking about what you like and don't like. Plus, openly discussing sexual rewards and punishments with your partner is hot.

The following is an example of a template's proper writing:

"The primary goal of this contract is to enable the submissive to safely explore their sensuality and limitations while maintaining respect for their needs, restrictions, and overall well-being."

What should a BDSM contract contain?

A contract specifies what each party will and will not do. It explains exactly what each person's responsibilities are and what they entail. It will also clarify a sub's availability: is it part-time, long-distance, 24 hours a day, seven days a week, or complete power exchange? My Dom and I practice TPE 24 hours a day, seven days a week; thus, our contract reflects that.

It's also a good idea to provide the start date and the expected duration of the connection. It may be primarily sexual, although it may also involve emotional and physical elements. Here's a list of more things to think about:

  • Safewords
  • Rules
  • Hard Limits
  • Soft Limits
  • Punishments

You may also add the duration of the training or dynamic. For example, is there a trial period, or will this be a long-term relationship? You may also choose whether or not you are allowed to have other relationships or if you want to practice consensual non-monogamy.

Remember, this is your contract, so make sure everything you care about is included. I've seen contracts as small as one page and as long as a dozen. There is no one-size-fits-all approach to writing one. Always double-check that you're happy with what it contains (or excludes).

What to leave out of a BDSM contract?

What not to put in your written paper is just as essential as what to include. One of the most common mistakes we see couples make is attempting to incorporate every rule into their relationship. This may go wrong for a variety of reasons.

If a submissive gets away from their position and says or does anything disrespectful, they might claim that it wasn't included in the contract. This might also indicate that you're topping from the bottom.

The Dom might also get overworked. This is because they will need to add to and update the document when new rules are introduced or removed. It'll be a lot simpler if your written agreement concentrates on the wider norms of your relationship and the basic principles of each person's duties.

So, what do you do with all of your day-to-day regulations, which are constantly changing and adapting? Create a separate note or a shared worklist, for example. This might be a list of all the rules you're presently working on. As a result, the contract takes on the role of a leading representation of your partnership and is less likely to be violated.

Is it just for beginners or also for those who are more experienced?

There have been many discussions recently concerning who these written agreements are ideal for in the kink world. Beginners may be hesitant to construct one because they believe they are just for experienced pros. While expert kinksters assume they are solely beneficial for newbies, this is not always the case. Who is correct?

Surprisingly, employing a typical power exchange paper benefits both levels of expertise. This allows beginners to initiate a kink dialogue with their partners and learn about their preferences. Advanced Doms and subs may use this tool to keep track of their relationship's lifestyle. This will keep them from falling into the dreaded "vanilla rut" that might occur.

When a long-term D/s relationship breaks apart, one of the most common causes is that the pair has ceased utilizing a contract. Or, much worse, they never had one in the first place. 

Is a BDSM contract legally enforceable?

This legitimate concern has arisen in court instances concerning sexual assault and consent. A BDSM contract is a valuable and sexy method to express one's sexual wishes and restrictions. They may also assist you in developing a Dom/sub attitude. It isn't, however, legally binding or unbreakable.

A BDSM contract normally does not stand up in court, even though every country has different laws. It also doesn't indicate 100% explicit consent legally.

Contracts are still a good idea to have in place for physical and mental protection and communication. It's a red sign if someone believes contracts aren't necessary or your spouse refuses to construct one with you.

It's essential to remember that verbal agreements are readily forgotten or misinterpreted. Even non-advanced counselors and therapists advise couples to have written contracts in place. They're just practical and effective.

Also, how can you trust someone to take care of you or serve you if you can't trust them to agree to and follow a simple piece of paper? A contract is a physical document that demonstrates both parties' faith in one another.

What is more?

What happens once a Dom and a sub sign a contract? Both parties should have access to it at all times so they may refer to it as required. You and your partner should each have a copy to download and print once you've signed it.

Nothing much changes during these routine conversations, but it helps you remember your positions. And talking about it with others always gets you on.

What happens if the contract gets broken?

What should happen if the contract isn't maintained and the limits aren't respected? Well, it all depends on the circumstances and the people involved. The offending partner may be reminded not to do it again for what seems to be a minor violation.

However, for more severe breaches of trust, the innocent partner always has the option to end the relationship. It's also a good idea to talk about the consequences of breaking a contract ahead of time. You may even include such situations and their probable outcomes in the paper.

Here's an example:

"If the Dominant fails to stick to the agreed conditions, restrictions, and safety precautions outlined in this contract at any time, the submissive has the right to cancel this contract and leave the relationship immediately.''

As you can see, kinky contracts aren't only for Fifty Shades of Grey. Everyone who does BDSM should be able to get one. Download a printable PDF template or design one with your partner, and go through it regularly.

Even if you're not in a relationship right now, it's a good idea to have one written down. That way, you'll already know your limitations and expectations.