It might be daunting to reveal your kink to your partner. Kinks and fetishes* may still be stigmatized even though there is no guilt in any sexual act between two (or more) consenting people.
Whether you like role-playing as a doctor and patient, foot fetishes, or gang bangs, it's natural to be apprehensive about sharing your kinks. However, quirks are often based on our sexual desires. In addition to losing out on a lot of fun and pleasure, failing to share yours with your spouse may lead to infidelity, resentment, and/or breakups because of unmet sexual needs. Kinks need attention, even if many of us have sexual fantasies that are enjoyable to masturbate to without our partners.
For some individuals, having that fetish engaged in their sex play is necessary for them to enjoy it.
You should be free to pursue your sexual desires. We've prepared 10 recommendations on how to help you communicate your kink with your spouse to help you get over the anxiety that might come with informing your lover that although the sex is fantastic, you need double penetration (or spanking, or bondage, or role-playing) from time to time to feel satisfied fully.
1. Use dirty talk
You may adore trios. You love them so much that it would be impossible for me to have a committed relationship with a partner who said "never" when the topic was brought up. What method do you use to bring up the subject? Dirty words.
When aroused, individuals are far more receptive to suggestions and open to new experiences.
Try speaking your threesome fantasies into your partner's ear when you are just the two of you having sex, and he is inside you: "You know what I imagine at the moment? You stab her from behind as I fall into another women."
2. Talk to your partner outside of the bedroom
The list of flaws is lengthy. What seems standard to one individual is outlandish to another. While using vulgar language may come naturally to some people, it might embarrass others. So what do you do if your kink is being called names in bed, but your partner is reluctant to use vulgar language? Discuss your wants outside of the bedroom openly.
It all boils down to communication. Speak to your spouse in a manner that will help them understand how you feel if you want to explore something, such as anal play or filthy language, that is not already a part of your relationship.
While we wouldn't advise doing so in a professional setting like a business meeting, having the conversation over dinner and a few glasses of wine may be OK. Gently bring up what you'd want to add to your sex life while feeling comfortable.
3. Use porn to introduce your kink
Porn is a safe method to reveal your kink to your partner, as well as a great way to figure out what thrills you.
Together, seeing the films could help them understand why your desire for feet was so strong. It might also help you feel less ashamed of your kink.
4. Reference media
There is no doubt that the Fifty Shades novels and movies contributed to the normalization of kink, despite the vast list of things the series gets wrong about kink if you're a submissive who, by accident, fell in love with someone new to and knowledgeable about BDSM, buying them a membership to Kink.com's Sex and Submission (link NSFW) channel may frighten them away, decreasing your chances of convincing them to start a paddle collection.
Instead of starting them off with an X-rated movie, propose a Fifty Shades of Grey Netflix and relax night or advise going on a date to see Fifty Shades Darker. After the movie, discover your partner's reaction to what they witnessed. Then, talk about the movie over dinner as an opportunity to mention how the bondage sequences turned you on and how you'd want to try them out as a couple.
5. Play kinky games
By substituting sex games for video games, the fun and geeky couple maintains the entertainment value while enhancing orgasms. Another benefit? You may reveal a kink with the aid of sexual games.
With the categories "green light," "yellow light," and "red light," we propose a menu-based game. Red lights are off-limits, yellow lights are things you may like to attempt but are hesitant about, and green lights are things you want to do.
After completing your respective kink menus, you and your partner trade lists and choose one green and one yellow from the others to attempt.
6. Ask your partner if they have any kinks
Consider posing, "Are there any activities you want to accomplish but haven't mentioned to your partner?" Do you have any ideas for interesting situations that you haven't attempted yet?
The most crucial component of revealing kinks can be just listening to your partner.
7. Show your love
Remember in kindergarten when your instructor stressed the need to show kindness and respect to others?
When you arrive home from work, you could yell at your spouse and shut yourself in the other room without asking how they spent their day. This sets a poor example for future communication. He'll be less willing to attempt anything that requires so much focus if you become anxious and hot and want to enjoy your sex object and double penetration kink.
On the other hand, if you give him a huge kiss when you arrive home, assist with dinner prep, and listen to him speak about his day, you create closeness by displaying acts of love. And fetishes apart, he's far more likely to be in a giving mood and open to hearing and exploring your kink if you are a loving spouse, in addition to being glad to do that.
8. Take it easy
There are many ways to dangle your toe in kinky sex with your spouse; you don't necessarily have to go in headfirst.
Asking a new or vanilla partner to try tying your arms behind your head during missionary sex is a lot less daunting if you like being submissive than asking them to spit in your face or hog-tie you. Be adaptable and prepared to start slowly.
Understand that there's no need to hurry, especially if you want to keep your long-term relationship. Start gently with some handcuffs before considering spending money on a stand-up prison cage (link NSFW). If everything goes well, you two may have a whole dungeon built in a year or two.
9. Trust yourself
In a perfect scenario, your partner affirms your desire for impact play (spanking, paddling, beating, or flogging, for example) as soon as you confess your spanking fetish to them. You could sometimes meet someone who rejects your quirks and says "no" firmly but respectfully when you mention a fetish. You must acknowledge their limitations in certain circumstances and reevaluate your sexual compatibility. However, if you disclose that you have a fist fetish to someone and they make fun of or ridicule you for it, you should defend yourself, even if it means breaking up with them.
There is a significant distinction between stating, "You know what? As long as it's mutually agreed upon, I appreciate and honor your freedom to be into anything you want, but I am not. That is far different than saying, "That's nasty."
Never put up with jerks who blame you for having a fetish; always remember that you are a beautiful sexual being deserving of the pleasure you seek.
10. Be upfront from the beginning
Want to bypass the pre-kink revelation dialogue buildup altogether? Be upfront and honest about your obsession first, and think about looking for partners with similar fetishes.
Someone with this unique obsession should choose a more targeted dating method, such as a website.
If your spouse doesn't support it, you will be unhappy. Therefore you should be upfront about it from the beginning.