What Does ''Vanilla Sex'' Mean in Kink?

What Does ''Vanilla Sex'' Mean in Kink?

The popularity of kinky sex appears to have increased recently. Maybe the release of 50 Shades of Grey on Kindles made it official. Maybe it was when Abbi from Broad City put her boyfriend's dildo in the dishwasher and ruined it. "Something sexual that someone likes to do with themselves or consensually with partners" is how we define kink. Thus, the definition of "kinky sex" is quite broad. However, what would most people claim that kinky sex is not? Vanilla. But does plain sex always imply unsatisfactory sex? 

What is “vanilla sex”? 

Most people generally use the missionary position in the dark with one partner as an example of vanilla sex. Vanilla sex, however, is just as arbitrary as kinky sex: In contrast to kinky sex, vanilla sex often doesn't push people's comfort zones too far. Vanilla sex is another phrase for everything stereotypically accepted in a specific time or social setting. So, if your living room doesn't include a Samantha Jones-style sex swing or a drawer (or closet) full of toys, your sexual life can be deemed "vanilla." Still, everything is arbitrary. Maybe you completely consider having sex during the day to be "normal," while your closest buddy thinks it's peak kinky. Who defines vanilla sex is up to them.

What Is the Origin of the Name Vanilla Sex?

The sexual revolution that swept Western counterculture in the 1960s and 1970s is when "vanilla sex" first emerged.

This kind of intercourse was intended to have a pleasant but straightforward and traditional term. For those who like harsher sex, such as BDSM, vanilla sex was meant to be the complete opposite.

Vanilla sex is sexual activity without sadomasochism or pretending. Contrarily, "plain" sex is frequently upbeat and adoring.

The word "vanilla" was used by BDSMers to describe traditional sex since it conjured images of their favorite ice cream flavor. It's also a fact that everyone is aware of. However, the familiar sweetness and pleasure of eating your preferred summer treat continue to lure you.

For individuals who desire a "twist," other substances may be added to vanilla, a typical taste. Sex becomes kinky when more ingredients are added, not just plain vanilla!

The same is true with vanilla sex; despite being commonplace and well-known, it will always be exciting and seductive.

Is Vanilla Sex Boring?


What gives it a bad reputation?

People may criticize vanilla sex as monotonous or claim that someone is "terrible in bed" because they are uninteresting. If it's working for them, why is that a problem? This attitude is a societal phenomenon, particularly because kinky sex has gained some notoriety in popular culture. As a result of the unfavorable preconceptions of kinky people, vanilla sex may have a poor name. Going against the stereotyped norm of vanilla sex might make people respond negatively since it is so commonplace... As a result, putdowns are sometimes used to offend when individuals aren't into a certain sex act that can be seen as kinky. Short version: If vanilla sex gets a bad name, it's because that individual isn't the right fit, which is OK!

What if your vanilla sex life isn't satisfying you?

Why continue doing it if it isn't enjoyable? Each person has their tastes. Consequently, whether you consider yourself to be kinky, vanilla, or anywhere in between, knowing what you want and being able to express it to a partner are important. If you don't enjoy the sex you're having, talk to your spouse about the aspects of your relationship you appreciate, and then provide suggestions for what you may want more of. Keep in mind that nobody can read minds. They can't have sex with you the way you want them to if you don't clarify what you want. However, some people do not like the same things as a partner—OK, that's too. However, it can indicate that your sexual connection won't last. Speaking with a kink-aware sex therapist might be a good option if this is a problem for you.

Are Sex Toys Vanilla?

Some may assert that with "vanilla sex," there is nothing but you and your partner involved. That's not true when it comes to couples and sex toys!

Intercourse toys are a terrific complement to vanilla sex, as well as to cuddles and hand games. Of course, sex toys may be used in kink sex and often are. It all depends on how you and your partner interact with the toys.

Are Threesomes or Swingers Vanilla?

A threesome or swinger would be considered outside of the category of vanilla sex as it is traditional sex.

You're adding a funky spin to the standard with swingers and threesomes. You're sharing desire (or love) with other party guests in addition to your lover; thus, you're not simply sharing love with your relationship.

Because of this, we think threesomes and swingers aren't usually categorized under the term "vanilla sex."

What indications point to a perfect vanilla sex life?

You are happy if you are happy. As long as it makes you happy, keep doing it.

What Are the Limits of Vanilla Sex?

Depending on the partner, many definitions of vanilla sex apply. That's because every couple has distinct comfort zones!

Your bounds will eventually be decided by consent.

For instance, you and your spouse established your limits based on communication and trust. Before attempting anything new, we consult one another.

When having vanilla sex, you should talk to your spouse often before, during, and after intercourse.

You maintain sensible limits in this manner.

How Can Vanilla Sex Be Mastered?

It is not possible to become an expert at vanilla sex. However, practicing becomes perfect at sex! That implies your chances of being "excellent" at it increase as you learn more about your own body, your partner's body, and how you connect.

Vanilla sex focuses on your relationship with your spouse and your shared experience.

Additionally, one of the most pleasant sex positions is plain old sex. You may feel wanted while unwinding and allowing your spouse to thrill you.

How, then can you perfect vanilla sex?

Just relax and enjoy the present with your companion. It's that simple!

You'll understand exactly what we mean when you let go and start taking pleasure in your private moments.


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