What is BDSM Aftercare? 9 Ways to Do It

What is BDSM Aftercare? 9 Ways to Do It

Within BDSM—a phrase that encompasses bondage and discipline, dominance and submission, sadism, and masochism—sexual aftercare is a widespread (and essential) activity. The simplest definition of aftercare is a ritualized wind-down after sex. BDSM dynamics may lead to passionate sexual encounters. Sometimes people are severely restrained, beaten, humiliated, or subjected to various forms of physical and psychological abuse. It's critical to bring partners back into the frame of reality since it may be so absorbing.

Providing care to all persons involved after a sexual encounter [to] check-in emotionally and physically is known as aftercare.

Everybody has a distinct set of aftercare practices. The vital component of an aftercare ritual is that it focuses on the partner's physical and emotional wellness.

Why is sexual aftercare is necessary?

To help our partners smoothly exit the excellent state of BDSM play and return to the outside world, we should practice aftercare. Since we aim to prevent dom/sub drop, it's crucial that partners feel taken care of.

During a BDSM session, both the dominant and the submit go through a lot. All of that intensity, whether mental or physical lashings or rigid adherence to rules and regulations, calls for a time of recovery. Dom/sub drop might be related to postcoital dysphoria, when someone has melancholy or anxiety after sex despite having had lovely consensual sex beforehand. This response is often connected to other external stresses (a history of trauma or existing psychological distress). This implies it's crucial to think about your mental state before entering a situation! Sometimes, during and after sex, a bad mindset emerges, which can not be to your advantage.

Both dominating and submissive partners should get aftercare. Although a lot of attention is paid to the aftercare of submissives, it is equally important for dominants to relax. Aftercare may help with the transition since BDSM and kink activities can be accompanied by guilt that is hard to deal with.

A bridge to a less acute mental realm is what aftercare is like. When [dom/sub drop] is acknowledged, if you're ready, let it go. To do this, believe the opposite of what your mind tells you (for example, if you think you're worthless, think the opposite). And keep in mind that everything in your body functions normally; hormone decreases or imbalances are common after experiencing too much of one thing (like adrenaline surges). Therefore there is nothing wrong with you.

But having kinky sex isn't the only reason to engage in sexual aftercare. Aftercare is a deliberate check-in starting point for healing after sexual trauma. Many people utilize BDSM as a therapeutic supplement.

Best ways to practice sexual aftercare

This list is not exhaustive, and several of these activities are utilized on the same evening! In general, we want to put each other back in a good frame of mind and make sure that no one feels left out or sensitive after the game.

Cuddling

Cuddling is an excellent type of aftercare because it is good for your body and relationships. The hormone oxytocin, which may lower stress and improve bonding, is released when we cuddle. Additionally, hugging is a low-energy pastime that may calm a submissive subjected to embarrassment or impact play.

Rehydrating & Snacks

Drinking water after a scene is crucial! There are several advantages to drinking enough water, particularly after exercise. Keep your cabinets stocked with comfort food, as some people like snacking on it.

Taking care of any minor injuries

After a session, you shouldn't be hurt, although some people do engage in the extremely intense. Wounds caused by blood or knife play should be cleaned and stitched. Any bruises need to be iced.

Sleeping together

Sleeping or taking a nap can be just what the doctor ordered! Sleeping close to your lover (particularly if you're snuggling!) is a method to promote intimacy. Therefore this serves as a kind of aftercare.

Recounting the scene

This is a beautiful method for doing a simple check-in. After having sex, discuss your favorite things, favorite things, and everything you didn't enjoy. A conversation is hot! Additionally, you may get better the more you learn.

What aspect of the scenario we just performed was your favorite?

"X was great fun, but I don't believe I'd want to do it again," someone said.

"May I review the scene? What you liked and didn't like would be helpful to me.

Kissing or slow sex

More sex is sometimes the sex solution! We feel closer to our lovers when we kiss them. Sex that is slower and more sensual might be used as aftercare after humiliation or other harsh play. Couples may be able to reestablish their true selves and disengage from their roles as dominating or submissive.

Acts of service

Serving others by Gary Chapman's renowned Five Love Languages may be a considerate and encouraging kind of aftercare. These activities include preparing meals, cuddling up with your spouse as you bring them blankets and drink, or combing each other's hair.

Words of affirmation

A great method to engage in aftercare is to tell your spouse they are loved, important, and amazing. If the connection is casual, complimenting them on their work or expressing your admiration for their looks is always a good idea.

Massage

Nothing eases stress quite like a protracted massage. Set down the lights, turn on some music, and alternate who does the massage. Both individuals get to experience being treated while also unwinding via physical contact.

The most crucial thing is to make advance plans to ensure the safety of our partner(s). Any BDSM agreement should include this planning because it is done before all the clothes are off. When discussing safety procedures, choosing safe terms, and the like, it's a good idea to inquire about aftercare. When discussing aftercare in a routine setting, think about simply telling your spouse what you want. "Hey, can we do X to unwind after sex?"

The decision to get aftercare will always be up to the person. Some people may find solace in their own company, taking a long bath, or losing themselves in a video game. We may have better, more enjoyable sex lives when we care for our needs, such as through sexual aftercare.