One of the the things that can be very difficult for new couples starting out in the BDSM lifestyle is setting up rules for the submissive to follow. Now we're talking here about couples in a power exchange dynamic, you may or may not be in a 24/7 dynamic, but if you're looking for more than just a little kinky fun in the bedroom one of the first things you need to do is set out some rules.
Most Dominants are looking for a good submissive who will follow their rules, and generally submissives crave the structure and feeling of control or ownership that a good set of rules from their Dominant provides for them. What submissive doesn't want to hear her Dominant saying "good girl" or "good boy"?
When I started keeping slave-girls some years ago I decided that I needed a set of basic rules to be a guiding foundation for their submission. So I put together a set of basic rules and over the years I have refined and adjusted them to suit the submissive, the situation, and my wishes at the time. I have used variations of my basic rules for both slaves and submissives, in 24/7 real world relationships, and in (LDR) long distance relationships. I have found these rules to be extremely adaptable, and a very good starting point for guiding a submissive.
I have always tried to keep these rules well balanced and not all "I am the Master, everything is about me, you must bow down before me!!!", because for me a good submissive is of great importance and value, someone special in my life who should be cared for, cherished and nurtured. And of course every rule has something behind it, there are no rules in here just for the sake of having rules. So if a submissive has a query about any of the rules I will always explain in detail the reasoning behind the rule and make sure that they not only fully understand the rule, but also understand the motivations behind it.
For your BDSM dynamic, whether it's Dominant/submissive, Master/slave or some other form of power exchange dynamic, you will probably find the majority of these rules will work with little or no modification. Some of the rules you may find you need to modify to suit your situation, for example rule number 5 talks about sex and submission in the context of a non-monogamous relationship. If your relationship is monogamous, you can simply remove "without permission" from the end of the first sentence, then remove the second and third sentence entirely. Rule number 7 mentions the titles that the submissive should use to address the Dominant, if those titles don't suit you, just change them, easy.
So, here they are, my 10 basic rules for submissives, feel free to take these rules, modify them to suit your needs and apply them within your BDSM relationship:
- You are your Dominant's submissive. Pleasing your Dominant should always be a main priority for you and part of what drives you in everything that you do.
- Keeping yourself happy and healthy (emotionally & physically) is essential to pleasing your Dominant and maintaining a happy, healthy relationship. You must always try to ensure that you are keeping yourself happy and healthy.
- You belong to your Dominant, so you must wear a collar provided by your Dominant at all times. Only your Dominant should remove the collar, but in the event that the collar must be removed without your Dominant present, you must ask your Dominant for permission if possible, or otherwise inform your Dominant as soon as practical that their collar was removed.
- You must not allow any collar that has not been provided to you by your Dominant to be put on you by anyone for any reason.
- You are to do at least one creative or artistic activity every week, and show the results to your Dominant.
- You are not to have sexual activity with, submit to, or have any romantic involvement with anyone other than your Dominant without permission. If given permission, you must provide your Dominant with at least a detailed description of what happened, and if possible photos or videos. Your Dominant may optionally give you permission to engage in sex and/or submission with a certain person or group of people without requiring individual permission before each encounter.
- You must inform your Dominant about any attempt made by anyone to have such interactions or discuss such interactions with you.
- You are not to get any piercing, tattoo, brand or other permanent marking on your body without the permission of your Dominant.
- When asking your Dominant for permission, when thanking them, when apologizing to them, or when asking forgiveness, you must address them as Daddy, Sir or Master. You do not need to address them like this at any other time, unless you are specifically instructed to do so.
- You may address other Dominants as either Sir for males, and Madam or Ma'am for females. You must never address them as Master, Mistress or Daddy.
- When your Dominant asks you to do something you must make your best effort to do it no matter how difficult or unpleasant it is or how much you don't want to do it. Even if you do not like something your Dominant asks you to do, you should want to do it because you know that it will please your Dominant.
- If you are unable to do something your Dominant has asked then you must ask for their permission not to do it and explain to them why you believe that you can not do what they have asked.
- If you break a rule (one of these rules or any other rule you have been given), or fail to complete a task that has been set for you, you must inform your Dominant as soon as it is practical to do so.
- You must be completely trustworthy and honest with your Dominant. You must give your Dominant your absolute loyalty. You must at all times be respectful of your Dominant, their rules and their wishes.
Now that you've got some basic rules to guide you on your BDSM journey, your next step is probably to get a collar. If you're looking for a high quality hand made Italian leather BDSM collar you can use the links below to check out some of the collars from HEL Milano.